


Jealousy

by Lilah_Brown



Category: The Young Riders (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-26 01:54:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilah_Brown/pseuds/Lilah_Brown
Summary: Buck is jealous.  REAL jealous.  After all, Erin is HIS girl.  Not Jimmy's.





	1. Chapter 1

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN

 

Jealousy.  White hot, searing jealously.  Overtones of anger, with undertones of sadness and worry.  Pure anguish. 

Buck Cross did not like feeling jealous.  It was an emotion he was familiar with, having constantly experienced it in the Kiowa village of his childhood.  Watching the other boys and knowing none of them were his friends.  Later on, knowing he’d never fit in at the orphanage.  Then, watching as the other Riders danced with pretty girls at the socials Teaspoon forced him to attend.  Jealousy as the other Riders courted girls, believing that would never be something that happened to him.  Knowing that he was an outsider was a fountain of jealousy. 

But, this was different.  Erin was _HIS_ girl.  The most beautiful, sweetest, smartest, talented, and funniest woman he’d ever encountered was _HIS_ girl.  And Jimmy was acting like that didn’t matter to him.

The rumble of Jimmy’s timber voice and a peal of feminine laughter set Buck’s blood to boil.  They were sitting together on a blanket on the grass near the barn, a book and a slate and chalk setting between them.  They were still sitting too close for Buck’s comfort.  He knew Erin was genuinely trying to teach Jimmy to read.  Buck realized this was a practical goal that helped his friend, and Erin’s kind nature was the part of her that he loved the most--well, her beautiful body was a _very_ close second.  Just the thought of that beautiful body set his eyes closing for a few seconds. 

Another round of laughter and Buck’s eyes flipped open, a breath of air blowing out through his nostrils, his mouth in a grim line.  He took a deep breath.  He could do this.  He controlled his jealousy for all these years and he could keep on controlling it.  This was all ridiculous anyway.  There was nothing between the woman he loved and his friend other than friendship and genuine affection. 

He hoped that affection on Erin’s part didn’t run too deep.  He KNEW that affection on Jimmy’s part ran deeper, much too deep for Buck’s comfort.  He remembered the first time they had all met her. 

_The news that Emma’s niece was coming to visit, possibly for a long time, set them all to excitement.  She was their age and for weeks Jimmy and Cody, and even Ike, had been discussing how pretty they hoped she was.  Kid would have weighed in with his hopes if not for the daggers Lou stared at him when he started to join the conversation.  Buck stayed out of it.  What did it matter how pretty she was?  She was Emma’s niece and white girls never paid him much attention other than to find out if he had scalped someone.  Or to make their rich daddies mad._

_The first time they saw her had been at supper.  The stage was late that day, so Emma came back to the station and made the meal for her Riders.  Sam had collected Erin and brought her to Emma.  When the door opened, Emma jumped up and with a frenzied voice proclaimed how happy she was, asked how Erin was, how her father was.  Then Emma moved out of the way and they all got a good look at her._

_Buck had only eaten chocolate once in his life, and it was the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted.  Erin’s hair was the color of that chocolate, and he could bet she’d taste even better.  Luminous green eyes were framed by long, thick lashes.  Her lips were full and impossibly red.  High, strong cheekbones and a straight nose finished off the most exquisite face he’d ever beheld.  Her dress hinted at a figure with high, full breasts and a tiny waist.  She was about average height, but still shorter than him._

_He heard one of his friends gasp and thought it must be Ike.  The clatter of a dropped spoon drew his attention away for a second before he returned to his state of awe (he later learned it was Jimmy)._

_“Let me introduce you to my niece, Erin.  These are my Riders.”_

_“Hello.  It’s nice to meet you all.”  Her voice was melodic and charming.  She smiled, and he felt his heart melt even further.  It was like the sun was shining through the clouds on a rainy day._

_“Erin, this is William F. Cody, but we call him just Cody.”_

_“Cody,” Erin said, nodding and smiling in his direction.  William F. Cody, self-proclaimed ladies’ man, turned bright red and looked down at his plate.  “Hello,” he managed to mumble._

_“This here is Jimmy,” Emma continued._

_“Jimmy,” Erin replied, sending another nod and smile in his direction._

_Jimmy Hickok, always so self-assured and confident, began to stumble over his words.  “Greetings, uh Hello, nice to meet ya and all, welcome, and…well, welcome, I’m sure you’re like it here and all, this is a nice place.”  Another red face followed like Cody’s, who still sat, even redder than before, staring at his plate._

_“This here is Kid, and this is Lou.”_

_“Nice to meet you both,” Erin said, with the usual nod and smile._

_“Hello!  Glad you’re here.  We’ve heard a lot about you from Emma,” Lou responded with a genuine smile upon her lips.  Kid was still staring.  Lou kicked him under the table, and after a small yelp, he said hello._

_“This is Buck.”_

_She turned her beautiful gaze to Buck and he felt his breath catch.  This was it, he was going to speak to her.  Erin’s attention was completely on him and it was exhilarating._

_“Hello.  Nice to meet you,” Buck said excitedly.  As soon as he heard his voice, Buck wanted to cringe at how eager he sounded._

_To his dismay, Erin’s cheeks tinged pink and she looked down. It was her turn to mumble a hello.  Buck felt his heart drop to his feet._ Must have never talked to an Indian before _, he thought with a tiny twinge of resentment._

_He barely heard Emma introduce her to Ike.  He knew his best friend was most likely bashful in his charming way.   He gritted his teeth and looked at his plate._

Why do I get my hopes up?  All white girls can’t stand a half breed, _he thought with frustration._

Buck snapped back to the present as he heard another bout of laughter, this time from Jimmy.  Gritting his teeth, he tried to focus on all the things that had passed after he and Erin had first met.

_All of the guys trying to catch her attention.  All except Kid and himself, of course.  He didn’t want to scare her.  He was still in awe of her and her kind nature that he saw shining through.  Buck tried his best to be as non-threatening as possible._

_Catching her staring and then her looking away as her cheeks turned that adorable shade of pink.  She seemed nervous around him, and it broke his heart.  She truly was kind, and so smart.  He wanted her to like him and to feel comfortable around him._

_All of the Riders (again, except for Lou and Kid and himself) trying to spend time alone with her.  Ike mysteriously backing off all of a sudden.  Ike’s reply, when Buck asked him why: “As you are the brother of my heart, so shall she be the sister of my heart.”  Buck was confused and annoyed with this response._

_Complaining to Ike and Lou about how Erin still blushed around him and stammered.  Mentioning he thought she’d be used to an Indian by now.  Ike grinning and signing that he didn’t think she was blushing because he was Indian.  Lou responding that she wasn’t sure, it_ could be _because he was Indian, and then both dissolving into peals of laughter.  Buck was even more confused and annoyed with this response._

_Her blushing and nerves stopping after a week or two, allowing them to really begin having conversations.  Seeking her out after supper as she sewed in front of the fire, enjoying her conversation and company._

_Falling in love with her and his heart aching because he knew it could never be.  He just knew she fancied Jimmy, who followed her around like a lovesick puppy. Cody still clammed up around her._

_The night of the social, her looking the most beautiful he’d ever seen.  Overhearing Emma and Lou telling her to ask “him” for the ladies’ choice, saying they knew she loved him.  Feeling heartbroken, knowing it would never be him._

_The surprise he felt when she walked past Jimmy and extended her hand to him._

_Realizing that she never was scared of him, she liked him as much as he did her.  HE made her tongue tied and nervous.  HE made her blush._

_Wanting to kiss her senseless during the dance, and then doing so later that night._

_Subsequent confessions of love.  Nights and afternoons spent alone, exploring each other’s bodies._

Buck knew he shouldn’t be jealous.  He really had no right. 

More laughter. 

Buck squeezed his eyes shut as his hands curled into fists.

He was going to explode.


	2. Chapter 2

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN

Note:  The concept of the Kiowa courting braid is my own.  It is not my intention to offend anyone, but I am writing a romance, not a history book.

Once upon a time, somewhere, I read a fanfic that had Buck and the OFC putting love knots in their hair on the underside so they could be hidden.  It wasn’t in the context of a courting braid (that’s my idea), but I want to give credit where credit is due.  Unfortunately, I have no idea who wrote the fic or even its name.

 

 

 

_Deep breath in.  Let it out.  Breathe in.  Out.  In.  Out._

Running Buck Cross tried to calm himself.  It was hard with Jimmy out there flirting with his woman.  And what was Erin doing?  Why was she responding in such a lively way?  Didn’t she like him anymore?  Maybe she didn’t want him after all…

_Stop Buck.  Those are thoughts that aren’t true.  You know she loves you.  She tells you every chance she gets.  And, she wears your braid.  Proudly._

Buck lovingly thought of the thick braid in the left side of Erin’s hair.  It was customary among the Kiowa for a brave to place a braid in the hair of the maiden he was courting.  This was a serious step in a relationship, and occurred only when the brave had the intention of marrying the maiden.  Indeed, it was a declaration to the village of the pending engagement while the brave acquired the necessary horses to offer to trade for his woman.

Erin didn’t know the extent of its significance.  Buck had explained the concept of courting braids, leaving out the engagement and marriage parts.  She didn’t need to know yet that he wanted to make her his wife.  He didn’t want to scare her off—it’d only been four weeks since the social.  He had wanted to dance with joy when she agreed to let him braid her hair.  Buck had at first placed the braid at the back of her hair, underneath the chocolate curls. 

“So you can hide it,” he explained.  “No one will see it unless you want them to.”

Erin turned and he saw an incredulous look on her face.  “Why would I want to hide it?”

“So that no one will know you’re with a half breed.  When people see the braid, they’ll know you’re involved with an Indian.  This way you can hide it in case people start talkin’ and you get embarrassed.”

“Buck,” she started, an exasperated look on her face.  She started to unravel the braid and Buck’s heart plummeted.  She had realized what being with a half breed would mean.  She was backing out already.

“Buck,” she said, clearly frustrated.  She handed him the brush and leather thong he had tied her hair with.  “Put it where it belongs.  I am proud to wear your braid.”

_I never thought I’d find someone like her.  Someone who accepts me so completely.  More than anyone, even Ike.  I haven’t had another person love me like this since my mother.  In fact, I think I may love her even more than I loved my mother._

Buck felt guilty at such a thought but he quickly pushed it out of his head.  He heard Erin and Jimmy get up and discuss the time to meet for tomorrow’s lesson.  Buck clenched his teeth in anger.  Wasn’t Jimmy ever going to learn to read?  Couldn’t he go take lessons from the old schoolmarm in town?  Or Emma’d teach him, Buck was sure.  If only Jimmy didn’t still follow Erin around like a lovesick schoolboy when he thought Buck wasn’t looking.

Erin came into the barn.  Buck immediately felt his spirit lift.  Here she was, the walking and breathing embodiment of his heart.  Sometimes he swore she was the other half of his soul.  He could spend days just sitting and talking with her, and holding her was like eating a slice of ambrosia.

Erin’s face broke into a smile when she saw him; she hadn’t known he was in the barn.  Giving a small joyful cry, she ran into his arms.  Buck’s mouth stretched into his own grin as he caught her in his arms, cupping her face for a quick kiss. 

“Good lesson?” he asked in between soft kisses.

“Yes,” Erin replied.  “He’s a good student.”

“Good.  Then it shouldn’t take many more lessons.”

Erin stopped the little kisses and pulled back, looking into his eyes.  “Buck, don’t be that way,” she chided gently.

“What way?” Buck said, feigning ignorance.  _Dammit.  I let it get the best of me.  Keep this up, Cross, and you’ll scare her away._

“Like it bothers you that Jimmy and I spend time together without you.  I wouldn’t mind you being there, but he’s very embarrassed about not being able to read.  He told me he feels stupid when he’s learning so he’d rather it just be him and me.”

“I’ll bet,” Buck muttered under his breath.

Erin frowned, and now it was her turn to cup his face in her hands.  “I love you Running Buck Cross, and Jimmy Hickock is nothing more than my friend.  Please trust me and believe in me.”

Buck immediately felt contrite.  _This is my woman and one of my brothers.  There is nothing between them and I’m acting like a selfish idiot._

“Of course I do,” Buck answered.  “Forgive me.”

“Nothing to forgive.”  Smiling, Erin gave Buck one last kiss.  “I’d better go help Emma with lunch.”

Buck watched her as she sauntered away, certain she swayed her hips more than usual just for him.  At the door she turned and he noticed how courting braid in her hair gleamed beneath the sun.  Erin blew him a kiss before disappearing.  Buck couldn’t help the grin across his face.

Until he saw Jimmy watching her too from across the yard.  Would he ever be rid of this feeling?


	3. Chapter 3

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN

 

Supper that evening was uneventful.  Buck sat in his usual chair between Kid and Ike, and Erin ate in her spot by Emma and Cody.  After the social Buck had wanted Erin to move next to him, or he next to her, but Erin asked that the seating arrangement stay the same.  She explained that he and Ike deserved some time together without her nearby.  _Her kind nature is what I love most about her_ , Buck thought, as he devoured Emma’s fried chicken.  He smiled as he reached for his fork, noting that since Erin’s arrival his utensils had been set on his left side for each meal.  _I love that she notices those little things.  She is the sweetest woman I’ve ever met._ No one had ever bothered to do that, even knowing he was left-handed.

After supper was finished Buck went to the barn to complete the rest of his chores while Erin stayed in the house to help Emma with the dishes.  Some of the other riders were present, mucking stalls and pitching hay.  Jimmy was supposed to be there, but was suspiciously absent.  Buck immediately felt his temper flare up.  After 30 minutes of vigorously mucking the stalls, Ike asked him what was bothering him.

 _*Jimmy’s not here and he should be,*_ Buck responded, choosing to use sign so the other riders wouldn’t here the conversation.

_*So?  He probably switched with chores with Cody and is out mending the pasture fence.*_

_*He’d better be.*_

_*What?  Why?*_

Ike sighed at Buck’s knowing look.  _*You have to be careful.  No woman likes an overly jealous man.  You will lose her.*_

It was Buck’s turn to sigh.  _*I know.  I’m trying to stop.  She’s everything to me and I just hate the way Jimmy looks at her and takes up her time.*_

_*She’s teaching him to read!*_

_*I know Ike!  I feel awful enough as it is!  Look, I need someone to understand.  I’ve always been the outsider, the one who never gets the girl and now for some reason the spirits have blessed me with the best one I’ve ever known.  I just wonder when the other shoe will drop.  When will she wise up and see what being with me will mean? When will she realize she doesn’t want me after all?*_

Ike dropped his shovel long enough to stalk over and slap Buck on the side of his head.

“Ow!!  What was that for?”

_*That, Buck Cross, is because you are the biggest fool I have ever known!  She is one of the finest people I know and anyone with eyes can see how much she adores you!  She is not going to ‘wise up,’ you idiot, and you should be grateful.  Jimmy is still infatuated but that’s not her fault and it’s certainly should not be affecting your thoughts and relationship with her.*_

_*I know you’re right, but thinking and believing and actions are different things*_

_*Yes, but you’d better wise the hell up before this gets the best of you and you lose the best thing that ever happened to you.  Besides me, of course*_

With a chuckle, Buck realized that he had finished his chore.  As he put away the shovel, he couldn’t but still wonder where Jimmy was.  _He’d better not be following her around again._  Immediately he felt disappointed in himself.  He resolved to do better.

 

Two days later Buck’s horse ran at breakneck speed into the yard.  As he handed off the pouch to Lou, he couldn’t help but reflect on how good it felt to be home.  He knew he was covered in trail dust but he wanted to go see his girl before he did anything else.  It had been a two-day run and the desire to see Erin was greater than his need to sleep—for now, anyway.

Before he could reach the house, Emma stepped out with wet laundry in her arms, headed for the clothes line. 

“Why, hello, Buck, I didn’t know you’d come in.  Did your run go okay?”

“Just fine Emma, but I missed your cooking,” Buck replied, earning a smile and a blush from the older woman.  “Do you know where Erin is?”

“Ah, the impatience of young love.  Last I saw her she was in the root cellar, trying to get some vegetables off of the top shelf.  I think Jimmy went in to help her,” Emma said, calling over her shoulder as she walked toward the clothesline.  She didn’t see the dark look that crossed Buck’s face at the mention of Jimmy’s name.

Buck was furious.  _Of course Jimmy is following Erin around now.  Jimmy wouldn’t do it if I were around so he waited until the moment I left.  And Erin?  What is she doing?  Why does she allow Jimmy to gaze at her like some lovesick schoolboy and be around her constantly?  Why doesn’t she tell him to back off?_   Buck had had enough.

Stalking to the root cellar, Buck noticed the door was open and voices were carrying from inside.  Erin and Jimmy were in there alright.  Buck stomped down the stairs and found a scene right out of his nightmares.  Erin was in Jimmy’s arms, facing his chest, their entire bodies touching and lips close together.  Buck saw red.  He didn’t even pay attention to their conversation.

“Are you ok?”

“I think so.  I didn’t bump my head so I must be alright.  Just unsteady.  Th--“

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” Buck yelled.  “I KNEW IT!”

Jimmy set Erin on her feet and turned to Buck.  “Now hold on a minute here, Buck.  Nothing bad happened.  She f--“

“I KNOW WHAT I SAW!” Buck yelled at Jimmy.  “THE MOMENT I’M GONE YOU MAKE A MOVE ON _MY_ GIRL!  YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND AND MY BROTHER, YOU BASTARD!!”

Hearing Erin’s sharp intake of breath at his language, Buck turned to her.  “AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING?  YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE _MY_ GIRL!  NOT HIS!  BUT EVERY CHANCE YOU GET YOU’RE WITH HIM AND NOW I WALK IN WHEN YOU TWO ARE ABOUT TO KISS?  WHAT TYPE OF GIRL ARE YOU?”

Erin took a deep, calming breath.  “One who trips and is grateful her _friend_ caught her.  And if you’d been paying attention to us instead of being jealous, you’d had realized that.”

Buck thought back to the scene when he came in.

Jimmy spoke up, but in a quiet voice, “She’s telling the truth Buck.  I know you know that I’m in love your lady, but that’s just it.  She’s your lady and I would never try to end that.  It’s painfully obvious that you’re the only one she wants.”  His head dropped and he stared at the ground.

Buck felt the raging inferno that was his temper flare out as Erin stared at Jimmy with a surprised and hurt look on her face.

“Jimmy?  Really?”

Jimmy nodded.

“I’m so sorry Jimmy, I thought you had a little crush but I never thought your feelings would go that deep.  I thought a crush was harmless and would peter out any day now so I never openly discouraged you.  I never meant to lead you on or anything.  You know I don’t feel that way about you.  I just didn’t know how you felt and I am so sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.  You’ve always made it clear that you love Buck and only Buck.  I would never do anything to compromise your and his relationship, but it seems I did anyway.”

“No,” Erin replied.  “The only thing _you_ did was to hurt yourself.  Buck has done enough compromising of our relationship.”

An ache started in Buck’s chest.

“Erin,” Jimmy began hesitantly, “If the situation was reversed and Buck was with my girl, I’d get mad too.”

Buck felt even worse now.

“Oh?  And tell me, would you accuse your girl that you supposedly loved so much of being some type of two-timing whore?”

It was Buck and Jimmy’s turn to gasp.  Buck recovered first.  “Erin, I’m sor--,” he began before Erin whirled on him.

“Oh I know you’re sorry.  Right now you’re _very_ sorry.  How could you think those things of me?”

Buck tried to speak but she kept going.

“Well?  How could you?  You claim to love me so much but you don’t even trust me!  All you do is walk around all green-eyed and possessive!  I AM NOT YOUR PROPERTY, DO YOU HEAR!  I AM MY OWN PERSON AND I DON’T BELONG TO ANYONE!  THIS HAS GOTTEN RIDICULOUS!” 

Erin took a deep breath and continued in a quiet voice, “I don’t know if you’re ready to be in a relationship as serious as I has hoped this one was.  Maybe you should take some time to think about things and if being with me is what you really want.  If you can’t control your jealousy then this is _not_ going to work.”

Buck was shocked and felt his heart breaking in two.  “Erin,” he whispered hoarsely.  “Please baby, I know what I want.  I have no doubt—”

Erin held up her hand, silencing him.  “I need to leave,” she said as her eyes filled with tears.  She ran past Buck, dodging around him when he reached for her, and went up the stairs.

Buck looked at Jimmy, only to find the man already staring at him.

“I’m sorry Buck,” Jimmy ventured.

“I am too,” Buck whispered, as he turned to look up the stairs.


	4. Chapter 4

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN

Note:  The concept of the Kiowa courting braid is my own.  It is not my intention to offend anyone, but I am writing a romance, not a history book.

 

 

 

Four mornings later Buck sat in his normal seat for breakfast.  He would do anything to sit by Erin, but he knew that she would not talk much with him, let alone discuss their relationship.  A few hours after the incident in the root cellar he had sought her out, but she refused to speak to him.  Things got better the next morning, when she greeted him as she saw him, but the conversation went no further.  For the past three days he had gotten no more than polite greetings and perfunctory questions and answers from her, and only when absolutely necessary. 

Buck didn’t know how much more of this he could take.  He had silently cried himself to sleep each night and he hadn’t cried since his mother died seven years ago.  Buck wasn’t surprised that this loss seemed to hurt even more than that one had.

Buck looked up from his plate and managed a quick glance at Erin.  The only thing getting him through the days was that fact that she still wore his courting braid in her hair.  Buck’s spirit always lifted when he saw the braid.  _I thought I’d lost her forever, that she doesn’t want to be mine anymore. Hopefully she really did mean just a quick break when she spoke in the cellar._ The thought that she might not want him sent Buck’s heart into a panic.

At least he didn’t need to concern himself with Jimmy.  Since the root cellar and his subsequent confession of love, Jimmy had backed off from Erin.  He didn’t avoid her, but he didn’t seek her out all day long.  They continued their reading lessons with the same respectable distance between them.

As Erin suggested, Buck had done a lot of thinking.  He knew it was horrible to let his jealousy get the best of him and accuse his love and his friend of wrongdoing.  He was ashamed of his actions.  If Jimmy’s presence around Erin bothered him that much, then he should have spoken quietly with him.  He had no right to accuse Erin of cheating on him.  He couldn’t believe he’d done that and had tried to apologize many, many times, only to watch his love’s eyes fill with tears right before she ran away.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Buck had just completed a two-day run and it was the loneliest time of his life.  His thoughts were completely centered on Erin.  He didn’t know what to do to fix this situation.  Riding into the station, he spied Erin sitting on the porch churning butter.  He was going to try again to speak with her.  Maybe she’d be willing this time.  He dropped his horse in a random stall in the barn and headed toward the house where Erin still sat on the porch.  Walking up the steps, he began to speak.

“Erin?  Please, baby, talk to me.  I’ve thought and thought like you wanted and it comes down to this: you were right.  I’m so sorry I mistreated you.  What I want is to be with you for a long as you’ll have me, and I hope that’s a very long time.”  Like eternity, he added in his mind.  If he asked her to marry him now, she would think he was saying it just to get her back.

Erin turned her head to look at him and Buck’s heart felt torn in two.  His eyes went wide and he felt tears begin to form. 

His courting braid was missing, completely unraveled in her hair.

“Buck, before we speak there is something I need to ask you to do real quick.”

“What?” Buck managed to whisper.

Jus then Cody called from the barn.  “Buck, you going to cool this horse down or what?”

Buck knew when the spirits gave him an out of a situation he didn’t want to be in.  He was going to make a scene if he stayed there.  He was pretty sure he would cry and beg.

“Look, we uh, we can talk later.  Real soon.  I gotta go,” he offered, pointing his thumb at the barn behind him.  He turned around and quickly walked away, still in shock.  He heard Erin call his name questioningly but he didn’t stop or turn around.

 

 

 

Twenty minutes had passed before Erin made an appearance in the barn.  Buck was still brushing down his horse.  He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear her come in.

“Buck?” her soft voice filtered through the barn.

He jumped.  At first he wasn’t sure she wasn’t something his mind made up due to him focusing on her all the time, but after a few moments he decided she was real.

“Yes,” he whispered, looking at her with careful eyes.

“Remember I said I needed to you do something?”

_What could it be?  Please don’t let it be something like escort her to town so she can meet up with her new beau._

“Yes,” he whispered again.  He cleared his throat and spoke louder.  “Yes, what exactly do you need?”

“I washed my hair last night.”

_What does that have to do with anything?  What’s she getting at?  Is she hinting I should do the same?_

“Okay,” he said, a question in his voice.

Erin looked exasperated.  _That’s her normal look with me_ , Buck thought.

“Well, do you want to put the braid back in or not?”

It was then that he noticed what Erin was carrying:  a brush and the piece of leather that he normally used on the end of her hair.

“Yes,” Buck breathed, rushing over to her and gently taking the brush and thong from her.

Buck spent the next few minutes just brushing Erin’s hair.  It felt so good to just touch her, and she had asked him to put his braid back in her hair!  Buck was elated.  Things were looking better.  He made quick work of the actual braiding and tied it off at the bottom.  Without meaning to, he held the braid to his lips and kissed it.  He couldn’t stop himself—it was the symbol of his love and she hadn’t rejected it.  Buck didn’t know why he had forgotten that she always asked him to rebraid her hair after washing it.

Erin sighed and leaned back into his arms, her head resting in the curve of his neck.  Buck slowly slid her arms around her middle, expecting her to pull away at any moment.  She didn’t though, so he began to relax.  Things were getting back to normal.

“Buck, I know what it’s like to be jealous.  Remember last week when we all took the trip to town?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember when you loaded the wagon there was a group of girls outside the store?”

Buck nodded, not sure where she was going with this.

“Well, they obviously liked what they saw.  A girl knows when another girl is interested in someone, especially her man.  Well, after watching them obviously… _covet_ you, I got mad.  _I_ was jealous.  When you went inside to get more things for the wagon, you tipped your hat and greeted them as you went by.  That made me angry.  I was already mad that they were watching you but then when you said hello and they practically collapsed in giggles I was hurt and mad at you too.  But, I knew you hadn’t done anything wrong and had no idea what was happening.  You were being a gentleman.  Jealousy is a natural feeling and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  It’s how you respond to it that counts.”

Buck felt better that Erin had at least an idea of what he was going through.  _And,_ he admitted to himself, _it feels a little good that she would be jealous over me._

Erin turned in his arms and looked at him straight in the eye.

“You hurt me tremendously.”

Buck started to speak, tried to apologize again, but Erin kept going.

“Honey, let me finish.”

She waited until Buck closed his mouth and nodded his head before she continued.

“You hurt me tremendously but I want you to know that I forgive you.  I know you didn’t mean those things you said in the cellar, you were upset.  Last week I wanted to go slap those girls for looking at you like that and then slap you for smiling at them but I controlled it because you were innocent it in the whole thing.  You have to control yourself like I did then.  Can you do this for me?”

“Yes.  I will, I promise.  Control and thinking before acting from here on out.”

“Thank you,” Erin said.  She reached her mouth up and placed a kiss on his lips.

They kept kissing.

 “I love you Erin,” Buck managed to whisper between breaths.

“I love you too,” she breathed.

 _All is well_ , Buck thought.


End file.
